LIFESTYLE GLOSSARY - A beginners guide

The Lifestyle

The Lifestyle is a term that was first used in the 1970's and is basically a modern version

of the term "Swingers"; however, most people in “The Lifestyle” feel it is more

encompassing that just swinging. It includes people that are sexually open minded in



Abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender. An umbrella term used to refer to the community as a whole.


One whose partner practices cuckoldry. Always refers to a woman whose partner has sex with other people.


A person who lives full-time in a gender different than their assigned birth sex and gender. Some pursue hormones and/or surgery while others do not. Sometimes used to specifically refer to trans people pursuing gender or sex confirmation.


Experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behavior. Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex, to those who experience low levels, or sexual attraction only under specific conditions. Many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels.


Often indicates a male dominant; however, may be applied to a dominant of any sex.

Full Swap

Full Swap is generally when a couple fully swaps partners, including intercourse.


Someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex.


This can include, but is not limited to, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex and asexual people. This term has different meanings to different people. Some still find it offensive, while others reclaim it to encompass the broader sense of history of the gay rights movement. Can also be used as an umbrella term like LGBT, as in "the queer community."

Open marriage

Any marriage whose structures or arrangements permit one or both of the members involved to have outside sexual relationships, outside romantic relationships, or both. The term open marriage is a catchall for marriages that are not emotionally or sexually monogamous, and may include such activities as polyamory or swinging.

Soft Swap

A  lifestyler who has sexual intercourse or engages in other sexual activity only with his or her partner, but may do so at a lifestyle club, or in the presence of other lifestylers. Occasionally, soft swap may engage in some limited form of sexual activities, often stopping short of sexual intercourse, with partners outside the existing relationship. 


Any place specifically set up for BDSM activities, often equipped specifically for BDSM play, as with furniture such as rackscrosses, and the like.

Play Party

In the lifestyle community, a party, often hosted at a lifestyle club or organisation but sometimes hosted at a private residence, at which lifestylers get together for the purpose of recreational sex.

Friends with Benefits (FWB)

A relationship in which two (or more) people establish a friendship that includes sex or sexual activity, but without romantic love and typically without the same type or degree of expectations or other practical or emotional entanglements that typically accompany romantic relationships.


Sexual pleasure is derived from seeing one’s partner engage in sexual activity with another person, or from knowing that one's partner is having an affair. A surprisingly high number of men and women appear to have such fantasies.


Generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).

GG or Girl-Girl

Girl-Girl is where just the women play and the men watch, and/or join their partners, but

do not have any interaction with the other person’s partner.

Gender fluid

A gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.

Same Room

If someone says they are interested in "Same Room" this may mean they are interested

in Full Swap Same Room, or it may mean they are interested in having sex with their

partner in the same room another couple is having sex and watching each other.


A man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.


A “bull” is a guy that is just for casual sex with a female. Either single, or part of a couple.

Men that are considered "Bulls" are typically well endowed.


A Unicorn refers to a single woman in the Lifestyle. They are called Unicorns because

they are pretty rare, and many have never seen one!


Of or related to sexual attraction to people based on their intelligence.

Polyamory / Polyamorous

Refers to the practice of, desire for, or orientation toward having ethical, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners). Often shortened to “poly.”


MFM stands for Male, Female, Male. 2 men with 1 woman in a threesome. FMF stands

for Female, Male, Female. 2 women with 1 man in a threesome.

Safe Word or Phrase

A way to politely communicate with your partner that you are uncomfortable with the

situation or you are ready to leave. i.e. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Sexual preference

The types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in. Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to.

Hot Wife

A Hot Wife is a wife that sets up casual sex dates with other men. Typically she or her

date will take photos and send them to the interested couple’s husband.

Free Pass

This means that one of the individuals has permission to play on his or her own from their partner.


These are people that enjoy having sex while other people watch and are not necessarily swingers.


These are people that enjoy watching others have sex and are not necessarily in the lifestyle.


A person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.”

Bi - Sexual

Bi - Sexuality is very common in the Lifestyle with both men and women.

Tri - Sexual

Tri - Sexuality is commonly used to refer to a person who will “try” anything sexually.

Top & Bottom

These are terms that are more common in the Gay community, but occasionally come up with Swingers especially if the Male is bi-sexual. Top means you are the "Giver", and

bottom means you the "Receiver."


Squirting is Female Ejaculation.


A person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,” and should not be confused with transsexual).


Newbies are people new to the Lifestyle, or to a Lifestyle club or resort.


Vanilla refers to something that is non-Lifestyle. For example, a Vanilla Club, Vanilla

Friends or Party.

DP - Double Penetration.

One girl, two guys, but only one vagina! Solution? One penis in the Vagina the other in

the Bum..

Bare Back

Bare Back would refer to having intercourse without the use of a condom.

Group Sex

Is a group of people all having sex. This is what most Vanilla people think lifestylers do

every Saturday night; however, it is rare occurrence. The lifestyle typically consists of two or three couples. Remember, if you come upon a Group situation you still must ask

permission to join.

House Party

A house party is a where a member of the Lifestyle hosts an party at their


Lifestyle Club / Social Club

There are lifestyle clubs in most countries of the world. These clubs are a safe place for people to meet and explore their sexuality. These clubs are typically NOT high pressure environments, as some would suspect.


If someone asks "What site are you on?" They are referring to a Lifestyle Social site.

Username Name

Nickname or alter personality that a lifestyle couple or single uses to identify themselves to protect their real identity or to describe their personalities. i.e. “SquirtFlirt” or “FifiandFriends.